Can your ex post photos of your child on social media?

You're scrolling and there it is: a photo of your child. On your ex's account, or on their new partner's, visible to hundreds of people you don't know. You had no idea.

This is one of the most common conflicts between separated parents, and one where many parents don't know where they stand. Below is what the law in the Netherlands broadly says about it and, more importantly, how to stop it turning into an argument every single time.

This article is general information, not legal advice. For your specific situation, consult a mediator or a family law solicitor.

The starting point: deciding together

In the Netherlands two things apply at once. A child has portrait rights (portretrecht): you can't simply publish an image of someone. And photos of a child are personal data, to which the GDPR applies as soon as they're shared beyond the purely domestic circle.

For children under 16, the parents with parental authority (gezag) decide on this. If you both have parental authority, which is usually the case after a separation, posting on social media is in principle a decision you make together. One parent can't push it through alone.

From around the age of 16, the child in principle decides for themselves. And below that age too: the older the child, the more weight their own opinion carries.

What exactly counts as "public"

What matters is the reach. A photo in a closed chat group with four relatives is something very different from a public Instagram account. In between lies a large grey area:

• A public profile. Publishing, plain and simple.
• A private account with 800 followers. Also publishing; you don't know all of those people.
• A closed family group. Usually the domestic circle.
• A Facebook group for parents. Not the domestic circle, even if it feels like it.

Dutch courts have ruled several times that photos of a child had to be removed after one parent (or a grandparent) had posted them on social media without consent. The outcome depends heavily on the circumstances, but the direction is clear: without the consent of both parents with authority, you're on weak ground.

What you can do, in order

1. Ask directly. Without blame: "I saw that photo, and I'd rather photos of our child weren't public. Can we agree to check with each other first?" By far most cases end here.
2. Put the agreement in writing. A text message is enough. That way you don't have to have the same conversation every few months.
3. Bring in a mediator if the conversation gets stuck. Quicker, cheaper and less damaging than going to court.
4. Report it to the platform. Instagram, Facebook and TikTok have procedures for removing images of minors posted without consent.
5. Legal action as a last resort. A court can order removal and attach a penalty payment for non-compliance (dwangsom). Check first with a family law solicitor whether that's sensible in your situation.

The agreement that tackles the problem at the root

Behind a post like that there's rarely vanity. A proud parent wants to share a moment and has nowhere else to do it. Social media is simply the button that's there.

That's why one agreement works better than all the rules put together: give that pride somewhere else to go. A shared, private timeline where both parents post photos and where family can look in through a link. The need to share stays; it just moves to a closed space.

In practice you include this in your parenting plan (ouderschapsplan) or as a separate agreement:

• Photos of our child don't go on public accounts
• They do go on the shared timeline, which we can both access
• Grandparents and close family get a share link for it
• If one of us still wants to share something publicly, we ask first

Why this is sensible even without the conflict

Even if the two of you agree perfectly well: a child has an interest in their childhood not being public. Photos on social media can be downloaded and screenshotted, and are used for facial recognition and for training algorithms. Your child has no say right now in what can still be found about them in fifteen years. More on this in our article about children's photos on social media.

How Ouderliefde solves this

Ouderliefde is exactly that kind of private space. Both parents have full access to their child's timeline and both add to it. Grandparents and close family look along through their own secure link, which can't be guessed, isn't found by Google and can be revoked at any time. Nothing is public.

Everything is stored on European servers under the GDPR. No adverts, no facial recognition, no algorithm looking over your shoulder. And later on your child has one complete story instead of scattered posts.